• sins of the flesh • "You painted a naked woman because yo..

• sins of the flesh • "You painted a naked woman because you enjoyed looking at her, put a mirror in her hand and you called the painting "Vanity," thus morally condemning the woman whose nakedness you had depicted for you own pleasure." - John Berger, Ways of Seeing My body has never been my own. A common theme among my afab peers. Our beauty to be observed only by others, if we acknowledge it ourselves were are conceited. Our bodies only meant for being romanced by unwanted hands or reproducing their repulsive offspring to be born unto the same government regulated rules of “seduction.” What a simple way to keep us submissive. To not know our own bodies. To not know what feels good , what we like and don’t like. We can’t call them out on their inadequacy when we haven’t mastered our own pleasure. Sex became something someone took from us instead of an exchange of energy between two people. Just a cog in a machine that is the human race. Self pleasure used to bring me shame. I felt guilty for touching what is mine. But why should I? My body has been carved and sculpted, drawn out, mapped on canvas and painted for all of history to see. Rounded curves, plump breasts, nipples of all shapes and sizes, even cellulite delicately decorating marble in museums. I have what artists marveled over. To tell me I can’t worship myself blasphemy. I close my own eyes as to not judge myself with what society has filled my head with; and I just feel. My skin is soft. My fingertips are light as a feather even when they get a handful of my breasts. The stretch marks on my thighs feel like silk against my matte skin. They highlight the path down and around my body to tell the story of my life and what my body has been through. I’m proud of that life and that growth. I know I’m powerful. My reality is my perception. I know loving myself is radical and a rebellion of itself. A rebellion that I was told is sinful. To love myself as my own god.To give into the lust for my own flesh. The orgasm is a magical and powerful thing when used intentionally. Channeling my love for myself into my desires for the future, I use my orgasms as tools in my manifestations. From neurons firing like supernova, to the atoms that make up our corporeal being, we are born from the same beginning that birthed millions of galaxies. It is a blessing to partake in the sins of the flesh.