• empty • Sometimes we just want to feel loved. It isn’t ab..

• empty • Sometimes we just want to feel loved. It isn’t about the orgasm. It isn’t about the need for kink or a fantasy. We didn’t watch or read something that made us hot and heavy. We just want to be held, to be caressed, to be seen, and understood without needing words. It’s terrifying to ask for. “Please love me because I need to remind myself I am not unlovable” isn’t exactly the sexiest request. But sometimes it’s how I feel. I’ve been sexualized my entire life, by grown men whistling at me in the street more before I was 18 than they do now, to the men Ive shared beds with who admitted they never saw anything special about me past what’s between my legs. I feel like I’ve spent so much of my sex life as a performance, long before I ever even heard of OnlyFans. I compared myself to pornstars, took notes and altered my personality to be the perfect girl next store but in platform heels and lingerie, leaving every one pining for more. But only more of my flesh and never whats underneath. Over time that wears you down. My body wasn’t mine, but it was a tool I could finally use to my advantage. To feel loved even for an hour. or at least until the sun comes up. Those vicious voices are still lingering in my subconscious. I won’t be worth loving if I cant put out. They’ll find someone better, if I can’t fulfill their desires. So, I have to ask for that reassurance. And for the first time, I’ve found someone who hears me without judgement. Who gives without getting in return and who wouldn’t hold my short Cummings against me. Someone who touches me without asking me for more. Kisses me without stealing my breath, holds me without breaking my bones. Loves me, without leaving me empty.