• needy • It’s hard to ask for what we want. Not just in th..

• needy • It’s hard to ask for what we want. Not just in the bedroom but in relationships in general, romantic & otherwise. Telling a friend you need more time with them. You miss them but don’t want to be a burden knowing their life is just as busy as yours. Or Asking a lover for a back rub at the end of a long day, knowing you both have had a long day. For me, an orgasm can be in of the hardest things to just randomly ask for, especially when my partner isn’t in the mood to receive themself. It makes me feel like I’m asking for too much. I’ve never been in a relationship where my orgasms mattered as much as they do to my current partner. Previous parties only ever cared about their own, if they could get off the sex must have been good for both of us who cared if my pleasure was less than satisfactory. Because of this not only did I get used to my orgasms not being important but I also didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted DURING sex. Touch me here, slow down, speed up, put them both in your mouth, etc. but being with my current partner, someone who genuinely cares about my orgasms and care about my pleasure in the bedroom and outside of it, she’s been reconditioning me to ask for my needs to be met. Some people get really hung up on “I shouldn’t have to ask, they should just know” but in reality we grow and change in so many ways throughout a relationship that your partner will never be a perfect mind reader. No one is. However you can see how much a person respects your needs by how well the follow through after you’ve expressed the importance to you. “I’d really like it if you got be flowers more often” goes from never getting flowers to a new bouquet every month, or every week, or whenever they can afford it but they do it more often and if that’s THEIR best, then that’s what matters. Telling your partner quality time matters a lot to you, and you two discussing what quality time means to each of you and finding ways both of you can feel loved and seen during those times. Letting your partner know exactly where you want their hands or their tongue, guiding them towards your orgasm, allowing your partner to pleasure you to your exact specifications can heighten the connection for both people. You get to orgasm in a way that’s most satisfying to you, and your partner now knows your body more and more because you’ve told them your needs. Your sex life can only improve and grow closer with that level of vulnerability. You aren’t “needy” you are a human with needs. Allow yourself to lean into them. Denying yourself that vulnerability is denying yourself of intimate connection. Be vocal. Be open. Be raunchy. Be soft. Be needy.