I’m gonna just try to not stress 💕 Worrying doesn’t do any g..

I’m gonna just try to not stress 💕 Worrying doesn’t do any good and most things in life are out of our control.

Of course, telling this to a brain hardwired into anxiety is a daunting task, but I shall try to feel pretty and stress free and secure today even when the world and the future are not secure at all.

I haven’t written much about my experiences as a Russian and having friends + family in both Russia and Ukraine. Its not even that I don’t want to get political on here (tho i know mixing politics and porn is a turnoff…. but I raise you the concept that even existing in a sexual way is a political act), but I haven’t fully processed my feelings on it yet.

Something that bothers me immensely is the media brainwashing that occurs worldwide — there are no winners in a war, period, and there are no winners when the truth is distorted. It’s disgusting that the Russian government is not even acknowledging this as a war, it’s a “military operation” and publicly calling it a war can put citizens and journalists in custody. Of course the US is not innocent either, we just conveniently don’t like to talk about how we bomb other countries because we are the world’s heroes or something. All the bloodshed comes from those in power, not those affected by their actions. All ethics and morality thrown out the window. The civilians don’t want war yet they suffer the most. The truth is not entirely with the media, it is with the people who are experiencing the tragedy. I would take news sensationalism with a grain of salt. It also sickens me when people masquerade as Ukrainian to get victim points from this situation. Fuck it all. I cannot believe it’s been a month since it started. I wonder how many more there will be. An endurance test with so much strife. One way or another the war will be over, but damage has already been done. It’s deeply heartbreaking.

On a global level I have no control over the well being of people I know caught in the center of the geopolitical events. On a personal level I have no control over being deplatformed over arbitrary trivial things. If I get nerfed from here it would suck and I would be very sad, but life goes on. I’ve had worse things happen to me, but I am so fucking tired of being “strong” and being a “survivor”. I’m tired of trauma.

How can people just so easily be happy? Blissful, blissful ignorance. Toxic positivity: Is it smart, or selfish? Is it all a facade? (Online, especially — I’ve already written about being a false optimist too). Existence is just weird. I wish I could take it one day at a time and totally stop the useless act of feeling anxious. The pharmaceutical industry is a having a very good week with me relying on my anxiety medication!

Forget you read this. I didn’t even want to write it, but I did want to. I don’t know. I might delete — I had to air my grievances into the void once more.

Can my pretty tits distract you from daily troubles? 💕