I woke up sick, slept from noon - 5, woke up and took a Covi..

I woke up sick, slept from noon - 5, woke up and took a Covid test and shot this video to feel productive .. 🌟😷💚 I be thinking thoughts ..🫧

Everything I do is rickety and improvised upon. This has been a huge problem in my daily life as I constantly feel severely disorganized, but in some way it gives me an advantage online because I can make *anything* into content - a mundane moment becomes a horny adventure. An existential crisis can bring validation and a video of me just talking can make someone far away feel less alone. We still face a ton of post pandemic isolation and stress, at least I certainly do. Broadcasting my inner bullshit monologues has been a cathartic experience in the past few years 😷🎥

Starting from 2020, I was live steaming everything. **Everything** .. From the doctors, in my car, in the shower, bored, depressed, manic, opening gifts, crying, writing, masturbating, meta analysis of my online life, everything and anything that can be packed into a 24hr day and broadcast to x amount of viewers. That’s how I gained my following: posting all the goddamn time. There was no strategy or formula, it was just chaotic mass posting. I had no idea what I was doing, truly. I still don’t tbh

Nowadays I’m not really posting to socials anymore, at least not in that way. I’m active online here on OF, but on my socials I’ve been so shadow banned and so burnt out that I don’t even enjoy it. I’ve never enjoyed promotion, but now I straight up hate it. If you’re here on my OF, it’s like you’ve found a secret obscure treasure known to very few. My outward career/social media presence seems to be in stasis. Neither here nor there. A sexy suspended animation. I’ve reached a point of doom singularity where thoughts and feelings blend and cancel each other out.

I don’t really care about what happens to my online self. I really care tho, actually. It’s both 😳 These divisive thought processes confuse me.

How do I navigate this deep digital dysphoria? Especially when I want to keep many parts of my life quiet and private now. Thankfully people don’t really care, and people forget - anonymity and transience is a blessing as much as it may be a curse

Idk why I’m on one posting this long winded emo rant but I be feeling a certain way these days, kind of lost