I want to start posting again but it’s been a few days. Prom..

I want to start posting again but it’s been a few days. Promise to love me anyways? 🥺 I’ve been struggling quite a bit lately with my mental health. I am not the person to like to talk about these things, and my first reaction is to always push people away, and shut down completely. However, I’m starting to realize that the people I push away typically are the only ones that help me push through. As some of you know, my family relationships are next to non-existent. I thought growing up was difficult but the last few years have really tested me. When I started streaming, it was my outlet and a place where I didn’t feel lonely. I struggle A LOT with feelings of loneliness. I loved knowing people were there for me, not because they had to, but because they wanted to. Starting Onlyfans ended up being even better for me emotionally, I’ve shared more about myself on here through DM’s and on my main page than with anyone else in my life. I’ve formed relationships here as strong, if not stronger, than IRL relationships. With that said, when I shutdown for long periods of time, it fills me with an overwhelming amount of anxiety towards returning. I worry people are mad at me or think poorly of me. Very seldomly is any of this the case, but my mind thinks things it shouldn’t all the time. During these periods, I pretty much avoid all social media and stay off my phone. I am scared something will send me over the breaking point. However, I log on today and it felt refreshed and somewhat motivated for the first time in a while. I am so appreciative towards those of you who are patient with me and I am soooo lucky to have those of you who notice and take the time to message me checking in on me. I really am sorry for the random breaks and not being so responsive during these times. I am hoping opening open with you guys will relieve a lot of the unnecessary anxiety and sadness I’ve been feeling. I want this to be a place we come just to feel good. And for those of you who don’t/didn’t notice, I am not always unhappy. I am generally a VERY optimistic, motivated, hyperactive bubbly person. But for some reason, the highs are really high and the lows are really low. Thanks for being patient with me❤️