The third fact of the day has to do with SEEEEEXXXXXXXX In ..

The third fact of the day has to do with SEEEEEXXXXXXXX In particular, desire. I’m fascinated by relationships, love, sex, erotic desire, partnership, and everything in between these five things so I spend a lot of time learning about the psychology behind it. This week’s most prominent lesson made me yell OH SHIT! out loud at dinner the other day. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a ton of passion in the beginning but it eventually stopped altogether? Why does this happen? What is it about transgression that makes desire so potent? Why does intimacy not always equate to good sex? Can we be satisfied with what we already have? When I love, why does it feel different than desire? Can there be both? These are the questions that are stuck in my head at night when my head hits the pillow. And I can’t help but think about how this is the first time in human history where we are trying to experience sexuality I the long term. So then what sustains desire? Here’s my take for the day. As humans, we have two basic needs. On the left side, we want security, consistency, safety, reliability, and dependability. This feels like home. But on the right side, we have an equally strong need for adventure, novelty mystery, risk, danger, the unknown, surprises, etc etc etc. We are expected to give this one person we love EVERYTHING and receive EVERYTHING in return. Essentially, we are asking this one person to give us belonging, identity, consistency, but give me mystery all in one. Give me comfort but also give me edge. Let’s break it down. Love = to have. closeness. security. Desire = to want. space. I asked this on cam last night, but when do you feel most drawn to your partner? Not attracted sexually but most DRAWN. To me, in love, im drawn to someone in their element. When I look at the other person radiant and confident, self-sustaining, and beautiful. I’m also drawn to distance. The unknown. The reuniting. Absence and longing. I also find spontaneity to be incredibly sexy if you haven’t been able to tell already by how I respond to spontaneous tips. So essentially, it comes down to novelty, right? But I think we characterize novelty as new positions, new sex toys, and new lingerie. Novelty is actually, IMO, what parts of you do you bring out? What parts of you are just being seen? Because let’s be real: sex isn’t something you do. Sex is a place you go. It’s a space you go with yourself, your partner, and/or with others. Pay attention to where you go during sex. What parts of yourself do you connect to? What do you seek to express? Is it a place for transcendence and spiritual union? Is it a place for naughtiness? Is it a place to get aggressive? For me, being submissive during sex and seeking out dominance is a place where I can finally surrender and not have to take responsibility for everything. Sex is a language. It isn’t just a behavior. But to look at desire, you actually have to look through trauma. If you can’t get up off the ground, you can’t be playful and imaginative. People who understand desires understand how to keep themselves alive. Better sex = connecting to yourself more and more. Connecting more to yourself = asking deeper questions. So this leads me to a different question from the start. Not, what turns me on but what turns me OFF. When do I turn off my desires? Notice how this is different that putting it on someone else. This isn’t asking who turns you off or what turns me off….it’s when do I turn myself off. Personally, I turn myself off when I feel number inside from dissociating. I turn myself off when I don’t like the way my body looks. I turn myself off when I haven’t had time for myself. I turn myself off when I have a bad day at work. *I turn myself off when I dont feel that I have the want to take and receive pleasure because I don’t feel that I deserve it.* Understanding where my answers stem from (trauma) helps me come to terms with them which helps me understand my relationship to love/desire better. Next, asking the question when do I turn myself on? Not, you turn me on or what turns me on but how can I turn myself on? Again, asking yourself these questions will help you come to terms with your relationship with desire and love and you’ll begin to see where they overlap a bit. I’m curious to read your answers! Dm me your thoughts ♡